This entire time I thought this blog was just updating itself. If anyone knows where the “Auto Update” blog settings are, please give me a holla.

Now I am not one to talk about people…at least to their face, I have manners, so I wait until they leave the room. With that said, I just have to “shit chat” for a moment. You know, chit chatting, but talking shit. I don’t know what ABC executive came up with this next season’s Dancing with the Stars cast, but he must have been high at the time. What….a joke. I normally don’t watch D.W.T.S., with the exception of season 10, which I had dubbed the “train wreck” season. Kate Gosselin, Pam Anderson and Shannen Doherty. A slut, a hoarder, and a bitch; I shouldn’t have to tell you which one is which. This next season, I fear, I will have to dub as the “handicap” season. No, I am not calling it the handicap season because of the gay/transgender aspect, although most people confuse gay for handicap. See: Perez Hilton. I am calling it the handicap season because of most of the cast. Let’s review.

Rob Kardashian. You’re probably thinking who? Don’t worry, so are the rest of us. You may know of his sisters Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney (or the KKK for short) on Keeping up with the Kardashians, or as most call it, Keeping up with Kim’s Ass. He’s so handicap they don’t even let him on the show, but Bruce Jenner is on there all the time. If they won’t even let him on, but they will Bruce, then something is up. You can’t look at Bruce and not think handicap.

Kristin Cavallari. She’s in the same boat as Rob Kardashian for the “who the fuck are they?” factor. As a reality “actress” she was on the very well unknown show The Hills. She co-starred with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt which have been publicly named Herpes Simplex 1 and Herpes Simplex 2. You cannot spend six years with STD’s and not be handicap. To the D.W.T.S. hosts: I hope you brought some Summer’s Eve to clean that dance floor.

Chaz Bono. I love Chaz, mainly because his mother is Cher and I feel that she would love to hang out with me, but also because he puts it out there and is giving the GLBT community a good name. Let’s be honest though, he is new to this whole post op transgender thing and is probably still having issues in the bathroom. Does he sit, stand, or do the hokey pokey? I’m just assuming that he is still in the beginner stages and going to the bathroom is the equivalent of pissing in the wind.

Carson Kressley. Some of you may remember him from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. To me, he looks like what Justin Bieber will look like after puberty bitch slaps him in the face in about 30 years. Being compared to Justin Bieber in itself is a whole new level of handicap.

David Arquette. It’s David Arquette, enough said.

So as I prepare my popcorn and fire up my TV, I can’t help but wonder if ABC will be promoting this under its new title, “Dancing with the Tards.”

Is this thing still on? Holy shit it has been a long time since I have been on here. I blame my lack of adequate leg-muscle capacity, lingering baby weight, and easily located quantities of Ben & Jerry’s and vodka on maintaining this here bloggy thingy. Which roughly translates into I’m hella lazy, so deal with it.

Now, I’m not one to talk about people while they are still in the room. I wait until they have left to do it. It’s called manners; but somehow, I hope that this post finds that special someone who just can’t seem to put the perfume bottle down. Searching for her would take too much of my already limited time. That’s like Jesus posing nude for an art class because he isn’t busy these days. It seems that we have a little nugget who believes the term “the more the merrier” is directed at her and what, I can only assume, she believes to be perfume magic.

Why on earth would she perpetrate such a whammy? I only know that it is happening from the lingering scent in the hallway long after they’ve passed by. It’s pretty sad when you walk into the hallway and exclaim "OH!" and then back away into your office crying and asking, “Are you sure that is perfume and not tear gas? “

We’re not even sure how long it lasts. How can you gauge that? We can not just rely on our gut feeling, however substantial that gut may be, to get us through the hallway. Just when we think it’s ok to go out, BAM; there it is again and you find yourself writhing in pain curled up in the fetal position crying for your mother.

Whoever you are, I just want to know; did you marinate in it or just feel the need to douche yourself with it? Your perfume is giving me The Hives and The Asthma and no, the number of suicides resulting directly from your over indulgence has not been exaggerated. Put the bottle down and step away. Remember this little friendly piece of advice to people who wear perfume and cologne. Spray and walk away. That’s it. Spray it, walk through it and keep walking, don’t go back for more. My burned retinas will thank you.