Is this thing still on? Holy shit it has been a long time since I have been on here. I blame my lack of adequate leg-muscle capacity, lingering baby weight, and easily located quantities of Ben & Jerry’s and vodka on maintaining this here bloggy thingy. Which roughly translates into I’m hella lazy, so deal with it.

Now, I’m not one to talk about people while they are still in the room. I wait until they have left to do it. It’s called manners; but somehow, I hope that this post finds that special someone who just can’t seem to put the perfume bottle down. Searching for her would take too much of my already limited time. That’s like Jesus posing nude for an art class because he isn’t busy these days. It seems that we have a little nugget who believes the term “the more the merrier” is directed at her and what, I can only assume, she believes to be perfume magic.

Why on earth would she perpetrate such a whammy? I only know that it is happening from the lingering scent in the hallway long after they’ve passed by. It’s pretty sad when you walk into the hallway and exclaim "OH!" and then back away into your office crying and asking, “Are you sure that is perfume and not tear gas? “

We’re not even sure how long it lasts. How can you gauge that? We can not just rely on our gut feeling, however substantial that gut may be, to get us through the hallway. Just when we think it’s ok to go out, BAM; there it is again and you find yourself writhing in pain curled up in the fetal position crying for your mother.

Whoever you are, I just want to know; did you marinate in it or just feel the need to douche yourself with it? Your perfume is giving me The Hives and The Asthma and no, the number of suicides resulting directly from your over indulgence has not been exaggerated. Put the bottle down and step away. Remember this little friendly piece of advice to people who wear perfume and cologne. Spray and walk away. That’s it. Spray it, walk through it and keep walking, don’t go back for more. My burned retinas will thank you.