The only buzz kill worse than work is getting a phone call from your strange dad. No…I didn’t spell estranged incorrectly, I really did mean strange. Only after him losing his hair on the top of his head and growing the rest out to look like Xur from The Last Starfighter did I go from referring to him as my estranged dad to my strange dad. Go ahead and Google it, I’ll wait…welcome back. I don’t really consider myself unfortunate, unless I look in the mirror first thing in the morning, then I just consider myself an unfortunate hot mess and that’s really only due to the fact that the half eaten hot pocket I had the night before is stuck in my hair. The one I call my dad was there for at least thirteen years. That is more than I can say for my biological father. He left as soon as he found out my mother was pregnant. Apparently he ran fast enough to give Flo Jo a run for her money. What makes a dad become a dead beat dad, or as I like to call them, a “DBD?” Unfortunately when I say DBD, I sound the same as a retard with a speech impediment asking where the DVD section is at Wal-Mart. Like I said, I don’t feel unfortunate about it. I’ve had several failed relationships, a drinking problem, a drug problem, and ten plus years to help me work through it all. I could have gotten the same conclusion from a Magic 8 Ball and saved myself the drug problem. Anyway, like I said, I don’t think of myself as unfortunate in this category as I know some kids who have a DBD and the last time their daddy played with them they were still in his balls. Where am I going with all of this? I’m not entirely sure since I can’t seem to get Mapquest to guide me through this hot mess. Anytime I type in hot mess directions in Mapquest all I get is a picture of Lindsay Lohan. It all stems from my insane Facebook post about my dad calling and letting me know it was by accident. I didn’t mean for everyone to read that and think that I was soliciting sympathy. I thought the entire phone call was not only asinine, but funny as hell. Who really calls their kids and tells them it was by accident other than Courtney Love? I wasn’t trying to share my misfortune, just my hilarious travels through life. I wonder if Verizon would credit back those minutes on my plan.