The holidays are upon us bringing the season of bitchiness and absolute stupidity. Douche baggery and stupidity have been running rampant in this town for a long time, but when the holidays roll around, we seem to be inundated with much, much more. I personally think that it may be all of the peppermint flavored “whatever” that is making everyone a raging asshole. Mike a.k.a. Camilla seems to think that it is pumpkin flavored “whatever” that causes people to be a douche. I’m not quite sure whether it’s the peppermint or the pumpkin. Maybe it’s some peppermint pumpkin flavored protein shake that everyone is drinking, who knows? Maybe it’s just me being the douche bag and thinking that everyone else is. Nah, that can’t be it. I’m a crazy asshole year ‘round. So it really must be everyone else.

I am just completely fed up with people and it is barely Thanksgiving. Dealing with idiots has become so common place now days that I almost don’t recognize it when I see it. Like when I went to Costco last week to pick up some water for the office. I will admit that when I purchase water for the office, I do buy quite a few cases. I load up my NASCAR sized basket and race to the front to get the hell out of there. Now…here begins the idiocy. Comment after comment about the size of my purchase. “How much water can you drink?” “Boy, you must be supplying water to another country…ha ha ha.” O.K., so maybe I don’t get the whole concept of Costco. I was under the impression that it is a warehouse and bulk was the name of the game. I did not realize that I was offending people with my lack of knowledge of Costco etiquette. I will now be conforming to Costco standards and no longer buying items in bulk. I have learned my lesson. The next time you see me there, I will be grazing the aisles munching on the free demos then heading up to the checkouts with my single purchase of Metamucil and holding up the line.

With all of this bitching and jolly jabbering I have been doing, I have failed to realize that it is Thanksgiving and I should be giving thanks for many things. So I have compiled a few points that I am thankful for, and hope that some of you can take them to heart as well and enjoy this wonderful holiday season.

1. I am thankful that I can easily recognize a douche bag thanks to Ed Hardy.
2. I am thankful that blamestorming is now considered an art form.
3. I am thankful that I carry mistletoe in my back pocket so all the hateful bitches out there can kiss my ass.
4. I am thankful that Camilla Toe rolled out on the hot mess express this year.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving bitches!