Some of you may have seen my recent post scratching the surface about the over abundance of douche bags in this god forsaken little town. Hopefully most of you jumped over to Noobies VÜ to learn about the Dodo douche bag. Something we all need to be aware of and watch out for! But for today, I have decided to chat about douchette bags or douche baguettes if you will. It wouldn’t be fair of me to just bring the douche bags to light without warning you about douche baguettes as well. Just like their counterpart the douche bag…They are everywhere! You can find them in traffic; you can find them in your office in the cubicle right next to you… Hell, some you can even find in the mirror every morning. DB’s are like pornography… You can’t quite define it, but you know what it is when you see it.

So I have compiled a list of the top 4 signs that you might be a douche baguette!

1. If you demand respect and treat everyone else like shit. This is the one trait that defines all douche bags and douche baguettes! Like Noobies VÜ said, some of them are subtle and cunning and can hide this trait very well. It’s very important to see how the suspected DB interacts with wait staff and others in the service field before making the call.

2. If you have an undeserved sense of entitlement. It is expected that everyone immediately drops what the hell they are doing and tends to the DB’s needs, no matter what the cost. This “sense of entitlement” can vary depending on the DB and they feel it is owed to them.

3. If you know everyone and have done everything. They have done it all! They elevate the “one-up” to an art form. It doesn’t matter what it is….they have done it, and did it better than you! Who you know….they know them. Where you have been….they have been there. There is no end to what the DB’s will do to prove their supremacy.

4. If you have a store bought tan. Your tits aren’t the only fake things about you. Not only can you blend in with Housewives of New Jersey, but you could go as the Great Pumpkin from Charlie Brown. Orange is a color best left on a creamsicle.

If you exhibit one or two of these traits, then do yourself and everyone else around you a favor and RECOGNIZE! Take appropriate steps to rectify the behavior before it is too late. If you currently exhibit all of these traits then face it. It’s no mistake. You are a fucking douche baguette. You have reached the douche baguette point of no return. Do us all the favor of just killing yourself right now. Don’t even bother to finish this post.

P.S. I had to move my tour time back to 9 pm tonight. The 7 pm slot was already taken by a dog peeing in the bush next to the building, vomiting and then eating it. Ugh…that’s life on the Q-List.