So it has been over a week since my last post and I must apologize. I have been absolutely busy this past week with work, having a few personal projects going on and teaching spin 5 times last week, three of which were within 24 hours of each other. Now some of you may be telling me to suck it up, you teach spin for a living. Let's see you do three classes in a row, one of them at 6 am, and see how the hell you are feeling. Another reason is the fact that it has been hotter than hell here in Utah's Dixie a.k.a. Utah's Douche Bag Training Site. Once you hit 100 degrees you don't want to do anything but lie in your bed and drink ice cold lemonade. A lot of the folks around here have been going out to the lake to cool off. So I decided to take a trek out there to see what the fuss is all about. I don't know about you, but I was NOT impressed with what was going on out there. I did see a lot of this...
Not impressive at all. Plus the lake was not at all what I expected. There is no way I would step foot in that boiling inferno. I took a picture for all of you so you know what in the hell is going on out here (see below). So if your inside your house dying of heat, just remember, you could be at the lake experiencing a lot of muffin topping and this....

Sadly, it is Monday again and we are all back at work, except Heather. WTF? She thinks she can have a vacation? What am I supposed to do all week? I can’t just sit here and give Mark shit all by myself. That’s a two person kind of job. It’s definitely going to be one helluva week! Well, Monday has just started off grand. I am having brain farts left and right. You would think that one would run out of…….sorry, brain fart. What was I saying? Oh well, anyway, I have been having brain farts all morning long. One would think that eventually the flatulence oozing from my mind would cease. HELL NO, they are non-stop. I guess I just need to take some Brain-O to stop these embarrassing displays of stupidity.

It’s now time for the weekend recap. Here is my checklist of things to experience this past weekend.

1. Teach two spin classes in a row, and only have two people show up to the first one. Check.
2. Listen to friend’s telling me about their sex lives against my will. Check.
3. Drink a lot. Check.
4. Find humor from people where there once was none. Check.
5. Eat tons of food including a dinner for 4 after completing number 3. Check.

All in all, not a bad weekend, but the week is certainly not off to a good start. I have embedded a brain fart funny for you below and I hope your week is starting off better than mine. Enjoy!

Here are some ear goodies for you that have been posted on the music page. Go on, treat yourself. You know you want to.

I almost forgot one more picture. Here is my party arrival pic. The Q-List bag and I did arrive in style, but then I proceeded to get out of the car Britney Spears style. Oops! I did it again.

Yeah for me! I have finally posted some of the pictures from the party last weekend. I would like to thank everyone involved: the Q-List Publicist, AssProd and Tour Manager. You guys were great. The party was a lot of fun, but unfortunately I was totally outshined by none other than my fucking Q-List bag. It was a hit at the party. I'm pretty sure that it will be invited to the next party, but somehow my invitation will get "lost in the mail." PSH! For those of you who missed the party, the bag is a must have. It held such things as a big bottle of rum, two bags of chicken wings, container of blue cheese dressing for said chicken wings, a cell phone and by the end of the night, a bowl full of peanut M&M’s®. They were freakin' awesome!

These fabulous fotos have been posted to the Pictures page which you may access by clicking the Pictures link at the top of this site or by "CLICKING HERE." ENJOY!

So....yes....it has been a few days since my last post. I have been uber lazy and still have not posted the pics from the party this past weekend. Although, in my defense, I was totally booked last night and couldn't fit it into my schedule. Don't worry, I do have the pics, I just haven't had time to work on them yet. I know, I know, who gives a fuck? This is all about you and I should post and make sure you are happy everyday. Well....you can suck a fart out of my ass cause I will get to it when I get to it. You are my bitches, not the other way around. Learn to cope. HA!

Anyway, so a bunch of us went out to dinner for our friend Tia's birthday. It was fun seeing everyone, but what in the hell is it with some of the guys having to tell us about their slut chronicles at dinner? I don't want to hear about your nastiness at dinner. I'm trying to eat, you can tell me about that shit later when I need something to help me throw up. One in particular had just had sex with a guy right before he came to dinner. He was late showing up, smelled of sex and I believe had cum on his chin; although, he said it was gravy from his mashed potatoes. PSH! Whatever. Then we had to hear about him having a man scheduled for every night this week. This boy needs a manager, publicist and a tour manager worse than I do. WTF? He wreaked of chlamydasyphaghonahepaherpelaids and I'm sure I will need to get a penicillin shot just for sitting by him. I will tell you this, it is fun to see him and another slut I know go head to head (no pun intended) in competition. I'm just glad they are competing against each other and don't combine slut powers. If they did, I don't think this town could survive.

So I'm sure that many of you have seen this video, but I just found its wonderfulness today! It's Pink's "Please Don't Leave Me" and it's totally a precious video. That's right...PRECIOUS! I thought I would post it here for your viewing pleasure and let you know that if you feel that you can relate to this video, then....YOU A CRAZY BITCH and we will probably get along. LOL. Anywho, I believe that my Publicist is working on a fun and fabulous party for this weekend so I hope to have some Q-List photos posted for you by Monday (probably Tuesday, Monday I have lazy time penciled in) and yes, I am working on getting you the tour t-shirt Robin. I didn't forget!

Some of you may have noticed that I have not posted for a few days. Well, I'm back! That's right bitches. This is my new post, so cherish it, enjoy it and write home about it. I wish I could say that I have been busy with Q-List crap like appearances, photo shoots, parties, blah, blah, blah, but unfortunately I haven't. I've just been lazy, that's right, LAZY! It would have been nice to have been inundated with the Q-List, but as we all know, I'm not that famous...yet. I get knocked off the list by a peeing and vomiting dog at the liquor store. Imagine how I get treated at Smith's. I have been thinking about wonderful, fabulous events that I should be throwing for the Q-List. It is summer after all. We should be doing lots of fun things bitches! As My Bitches, you should be thinking of great and wonderful things I could be doing. Suggestions? Send them to Cariebear. She's my new Publicist (PR Gal) even though she doesn't know it yet. Love ya Cariebear! Anywho, I have posted a few new songs to the blog, they are listed below. Please take note that I will be cleaning up the file host, so the music page will be updated and everything posted prior to July 1 will be removed. Including the download links. I want to have this done by the 10th, but it may not happen until whenever the hell I get to it. Cope with it.

Some of you may have seen my recent post scratching the surface about the over abundance of douche bags in this god forsaken little town. Hopefully most of you jumped over to Noobies VÜ to learn about the Dodo douche bag. Something we all need to be aware of and watch out for! But for today, I have decided to chat about douchette bags or douche baguettes if you will. It wouldn’t be fair of me to just bring the douche bags to light without warning you about douche baguettes as well. Just like their counterpart the douche bag…They are everywhere! You can find them in traffic; you can find them in your office in the cubicle right next to you… Hell, some you can even find in the mirror every morning. DB’s are like pornography… You can’t quite define it, but you know what it is when you see it.

So I have compiled a list of the top 4 signs that you might be a douche baguette!

1. If you demand respect and treat everyone else like shit. This is the one trait that defines all douche bags and douche baguettes! Like Noobies VÜ said, some of them are subtle and cunning and can hide this trait very well. It’s very important to see how the suspected DB interacts with wait staff and others in the service field before making the call.

2. If you have an undeserved sense of entitlement. It is expected that everyone immediately drops what the hell they are doing and tends to the DB’s needs, no matter what the cost. This “sense of entitlement” can vary depending on the DB and they feel it is owed to them.

3. If you know everyone and have done everything. They have done it all! They elevate the “one-up” to an art form. It doesn’t matter what it is….they have done it, and did it better than you! Who you know….they know them. Where you have been….they have been there. There is no end to what the DB’s will do to prove their supremacy.

4. If you have a store bought tan. Your tits aren’t the only fake things about you. Not only can you blend in with Housewives of New Jersey, but you could go as the Great Pumpkin from Charlie Brown. Orange is a color best left on a creamsicle.

If you exhibit one or two of these traits, then do yourself and everyone else around you a favor and RECOGNIZE! Take appropriate steps to rectify the behavior before it is too late. If you currently exhibit all of these traits then face it. It’s no mistake. You are a fucking douche baguette. You have reached the douche baguette point of no return. Do us all the favor of just killing yourself right now. Don’t even bother to finish this post.

P.S. I had to move my tour time back to 9 pm tonight. The 7 pm slot was already taken by a dog peeing in the bush next to the building, vomiting and then eating it. Ugh…that’s life on the Q-List.